


Not Just Theirs

by Pinkpuddles



Category: Jaspar-Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, CasparLee, Gay, Joe - Freeform, JoeSugg, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, caspar - Freeform, jaspar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 23:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13535184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkpuddles/pseuds/Pinkpuddles
Summary: "In a place you'd never normally seek,Upon a strange turn of events,You'll soon grow near, and then you'll see,A mark that's not just theirs."No matter how hard he tries, Caspar still hasn't found his soulmate.When he rescues Joe from a life no longer worth living, how long will he remain oblivious to the fact that the one person who he's destined to spend his life with is in the room next door?|| Soulmate AU where your soulmate has the same mark as you, in the same place. ||





	1. 1

"We'll come and visit, sweetheart, and you can always come back to visit us, and Josh, the poor dear, he misses you dreadfully already. We can't wait until you come back," Caspar's mum reassured him, her pixelated face showing sadness for her son as he sat in the Gatwick airport terminal, waiting. What for? He wasn't sure, as Alfie had promised to greet him there once his plane had landed. His plane had finally landed over an hour ago, and Alfie was nowhere to be seen, despite his many calls that droned on with loud rings until Alfie's familiar voicemail message was cheerily spoken into Caspar's ear. So there Caspar sat, on an uncomfortable metal seat, his bags cluttered around him, and his laptop balanced on his lanky legs, his Mum's comforting voice in his headphones and her caring expression, albeit blurry, displayed on the screen.

"If he's not there in ten minutes, I say you get a taxi or something Caspar, honestly, this is ridiculous," His Mum told him, a stern undertone in her voice.

"Yeah Mum, I will," Caspar groaned, his fingers fiddling with a thread from his hoodie as he waited, bored beyond belief. "I better go now, don't want to miss Alfie if he arrives, you know."

"Alright, Darling. Speak to you later."

"And you, bye!"

Ending the call with a sigh, he shut down his laptop and placed it back into his suitcase, leaning back into the chair, groaning and taking out his phone, calling Alfie one last time. It rang once before he heard Alfie's cheery, yet slightly annoying high voice coming out the phone.

"Caspar, Mate, I'm so sorry," Alfie apologised.

"It's alright," Caspar spoke loudly, his thumb flicking up to turn up the volume as the airport was rammed with people, so Alfie was only barely audible through his crappy phone speakers.

"I'm on my way," Alfie spoke, and Caspar heard the faint slam of a car door over the other side of the phone. "I forgot you were on the early plane, and my phone was off most of the day. I was at Zoe's. Again, I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting," Alfie apologised.

"Don't worry about it," Caspar sighed, pulling away to check the time on his phone. It was approaching seven o'clock, and Caspar was already exhausted from the lack of sleep he had had on the plane.

"What a great welcome to England, hey?"

"Sure," Caspar laughed, rolling his eyes.

"I'll be half an hour, if that. Can you meet me by the pick up area?" Alfie asked.

"If I can find it," He chuckled, his clammy hands closing around his suitcase handle. He stood up, tugging at the suitcase pathetically with one hand, his phone pressed up against his ear with the other. As Alfie decided to lecture Caspar about London sightseeing, he looked around desperately for any signs that pointed in what might be the right direction to head in.

After ten minutes of searching the large building and constantly asking people in bright uniforms or people dressed in summer clothes, with more than enough bags, (who were clearly heading on holiday, and were probably clueless about the whereabouts of the pick up area. To be fair, Caspar was pretty desperate at that point.) Caspar eventually found the 'Pick Up Area'. Alfie had already informed him that he was parked in the area, but as Caspar scoured the busy area, pushing through large crowds of people and narrowly avoiding cars, he couldn't spot Alfie anywhere. He stepped back towards the pavement, the wheel of his suitcase catching on the edge. Caspar found himself leant tiredly against the wall, and he closed his eyes for a moment, silencing the worrying thoughts and sighs of confusion that were prominent in his mind- if only for a moment.

"Caspar?" A voice shouted, and Caspar's eyes flew open, hoping that there wasn't another person called Caspar that was waiting for someone, and that the call was directed at him. He looked around and spotted Alfie standing in the crowd, waving his floral snapback to grab Caspar's attention.

"Alfie!" Caspar grinned, pushing through crowds to finally meet Alfie, tugging his suitcase behind him as the wheels scraped against the rough texture of the concrete. He let go of it for a moment, and wrapped his arms around Alfie. "It's so nice to finally see you again!"

"And you, it's good that you're not halfway across the world anymore," Alfie laughed. As they made their way over to Alfie's car, and climbed in (with Caspar having some difficulty as the roof was low and Caspar was not the height of an average person.), Alfie turned to look at Caspar and then spoke again.

"It's pretty late now so I doubted you'd want to go to your apartment today, so Zoe's parents say its alright if you want to stay at hers, considering its relatively nearby. Just for tonight, or however long until you feel settled in."

Caspar grinned, the nerves of spending his first night alone finally drifting away from his tingling stomach.

"That sounds great."

"You can meet her brother, Joe. You'd get along great, and then tomorrow morning," Aflie briefly paused, tugging on the car keys, trying to turn them, and when he eventually did, the car revved to life. "I'll help you settle into your apartment."

"Thanks Alfie, where would I be without you?" Caspar asked, widely grinning.

"Still in that god damned airport probably," Alfie chuckled, turning out the car park. Caspar took this car journey to marvel at the glorious British countryside, damp foliage glistening with pale moonlight. Although it was freezing winter, and the sky was dark, Caspar still found himself in awe of the landscapes, or what he could see of them. They seemed vast to him, so many glistening lights flickering in the distance, like thousands of tiny fireflies. Dark forests, holding strange secrets, and large fields all conjoined like patchwork. London was so much larger than Knysna, and although fears mingled and mixed in his stomach, he was ready to make a new life for himself.

A new life in London, England.


	2. 2

Alfie finally turned into the driveway of Zoe's house, and Caspar admired it, a low light shining in the doorway and golden light pouring from the windows, dimmed by the patterned curtains. He watched Zoe appear at the downstairs window, and saw her large grin as she realised Alfie was back. Alfie quickly parked the car, being careful not to hit any of the plant pots full with colourful flowers or intricate little statues. He tugged the car key out, sliding it into the pocket in his jeans as he climbed out to meet Zoe on the driveway, who had run out in her pyjamas and fluffy slippers, obviously excited to see the two boys, eager enough to run outside despite the bitter cold. Caspar jumped out, carefully shutting the grey car door behind him, and approached Alfie and Zoe, who both turned to him, smiling.

"Caspar! It's so nice to see you! How are you?" Zoe asked sweetly, her eyes crinkling from smiling as wide as she was. Her arms reached up and wrapped around Caspar's broad shoulders, pulling him in for a hug.

"I'm good, thanks Zoe," Caspar replied, hugging her as well, smiling equally as wide. Caspar enjoyed seeing his friends again, as he had to make do with video calls, seeing as they lived in London and Caspar lived in South Africa. Caspar knew he'd be seeing much more of them now, as he was living in London with them, in his own apartment- thankfully relatively nearby.

"Come inside, Come inside, it's really cold out here," Zoe shuddered, reaching for Caspar's hand. "Alf, will you grab Caspar's bag?"

Caspar was dragged into the warm house, looking back to see Alfie opening the car door again. He smiled softly as the warmth of the cosy house covering him.

"Mum! Dad!" Zoe shouted up the staircase. "Caspar's here!"

Caspar watched as Zoe's mum stepped down the carpeted stairs, clearly flustered and trying to hide it- her thin lips stretched into a smile that Caspar couldn't help but think was fake, causing an uneasy feeling to settle in his stomach.

"Caspar! Lovely to meet you," Zoe's mum spoke, although not very enthusiastically.

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs Sugg," Caspar replied, only to be polite. If his first impressions of Zoe's mum meant anything, it seemed like getting on her good side was the best plan. She smiled reluctantly once more, before moving into the kitchen, signing loud enough for Caspar to hear. His eyes flickered back to Zoe, who's hand was still on his back. She patted it gently, before pushing him through into the living room.

"Sorry about her. My parents have been a bit.. off lately," Zoe apologised and Caspar was quick to shake his head. He reassured her that it was fine just as Alfie walked through, both of Caspar's bags in hand. Caspar thanked him greatly, watching with a smile as Zoe leaped up to kiss him passionately.

Zoe and Alfie had been soulmates from the start. It was clear to see, and they were completely and utterly meant to be and so, so, very in love. Caspar had heard the story many times, all from Zoe, who adored retelling the tales of her relationship. Caspar was convinced he could recite them as clear as Zoe could, however she enjoyed adding a twist or tale on the end- different each time and definitely not an accurate retelling of the actual events. Caspar had listened to her recite the same story so many times that is was engrained in his mind, and although he was happy that Zoe had found her soulmate, it became a little tedious after a while.

Long story short, they met in school, they had the same mark on their wrist, they fell in love. Zoe's version often included her dramatically falling into Alfie's strong arms, or Alfie rescuing her from a terrible scene, when in reality, Zoe sat next to Alfie in Maths for a year. Alfie had luckily provided Caspar with the real story, as although the events from Zoe's point of view seemed romantic and engaging, it wasn't the real story, as Alfie helpfully pointed out.

Caspar was yet to find his soulmate, unfortunately. He wasn't surprised, as his mark was not in a very noticeable place- his lower back. Looking back, his soulmate was most probably still in South Africa, so moving to England might not have been the best idea. Though Caspar had long ago come to the conclusion that he would find his soulmate whenever fate decided, so made no big hassle to seek out the person he was destined to love.

In this universe, everyone has another person- a soulmate- you could call it- who they are destined to be with. You know you have met your soulmate if they bare the same mark as you, in the same place. Some marks were obvious, on hands or necks or faces, whereas some were far more hidden, such as legs, backs or feet. Your soulmate could be whatever gender, it didn't matter- if fate decided you would love them, then you would, that was it.

Everyone dreamed of finding their soulmate, and those who did were happy, content and loving, much more so then they would be without the other person in their life. Those still searching, waiting, were hopeful, happy enough though not quite content. And finally, those who had lost their soulmates, or never found them. Life seemed pointless to the soulmate-less, they were only ever sad, as if they had fallen in a deep hole, with no energy to climb out, no ambition to ever love anything. Life without a soulmate was desolate, empty, pointless, and Caspar feared this might be him if he didn't get a move on.

His mum had advised him to go outside more, talk to people more, and although he did, it seemed so difficult. He struggled to think how all his friends had so easily found their partner- so why not him? What were they doing that he wasn't? This was why Zoe's cutesy stories sometimes infuriated him.

He longed to find his soulmate.


	3. 3

"And are you sure you're okay with sleeping on the sofa?" Zoe asked, handing Caspar another blanket.

"I'll be fine Zoe," Caspar told her truthfully. The sofa was stuffed with blankets and pillows and looked quite comfy to Caspar, though he was sure he'd wake up with some achey bones. It didn't help that the length of the sofa was about three feet shorter than Caspar. He didn't mention that of course- Zoe had already tried so hard, she needn't go any further.

"Alfie is sleeping in the guest bedroom, the one on the left. if you need anything then go to him," Zoe informed him, which Caspar listened to gratefully.

"Okay, night Zoe."

"Goodnight, Caspar," Zoe yawned.

-

Caspar drowsily awoke several hours later, to the loud sound of glass smashing.

"Shit!"

Caspar sat up, his face contorting into a puzzled look, eyes focused on the living room door which light was spilling out under. The voice was far too deep to be Alfie, and although he had yet to meet Zoe's Dad, he highly doubted it was him. That left one explanation, it was Joe.

Caspar had never met Joe exactly, but he had watched his videos a few times, although he wasn't a big fan. Caspar thought he was relatively funny, but then his videos just seemed to bore him. He was also confused by the fact that every girl seemed to drool over him, which Caspar couldn't understand- he wasn't really that attractive.

Caspar clambered off the sofa, a few pillows falling but he made no effort to move them. He quietly approached the door, trying to make his footsteps sound as quiet as possible. He pushed open the living room door, which- to his delight- did not make any noise. He stepped down the hallway carefully, wandering past Alfie's room and slowly pushing open the door to the kitchen. Just because he didn't know Joe well didn't mean that he wasn't going to help, as judging by the earlier commotion, he needed it.

"Hey- are you alright?" Caspar whispered to to boy, whose hands were tightly clenching the counter enough to turn his knuckles white. Although Joes face was hidden from him in that moment, he could tell that Joe was crying, from the falling drops of salty tears to his droopy, shaking shoulders, to the quiet whimpers that echoed from him every second. Shards of glass seemed to coat the floor around his unstable feet.

"Joseph Sugg, get your ass back here, I'm not done with you, you little shit!" A voice spoke from the staircase and Caspar stepped back out just in time to see a dark figure wander down the stairs. Caspar jumped back, his eyes searching in the dark for a place to hide, and quickly jumped in a small gap between the wall and the hallway cabinet. He watched as the figure stepped into the light and Caspar immediately realised that the figure belonged to Zoe's dad. Caspar held his breath, genuine fear coursing through his veins, but whether it was fear for his safety or Joe's- he didn't know (he suspected it was the latter). He watched cautiously as Zoe's dad entered the kitchen, and from there he could only listen.

"Dad, I swear I didn't mean-"

"Why do you always manage to ruin everything?" A deep voice shouted.

"I'm sorry. Please don't hit me," Joe sobbed.

No further words were exchanged, but Caspar watched as Joe was dragged out of the kitchen by his hair. He was shoved harshly up the steep staircase, and the last that Caspar heard was Joe's loud sob.

-

"Sleep well?" Zoe asked sweetly, a smile on her face as she opened up a cupboard in the kitchen. 

"Sure," Caspar sighed, the events of last night still playing on a loop in his mind.

"You don't seem very sure," Zoe pointed out, turning to face Caspar. "Did you have a nightmare?" Zoe teased him, pouting.

"No Zoe, something much worse happened, I fear," Caspar spoke coldly, his glossy eyes focused on the floor by Zoe's feet, the exact place where the glass had shattered, he was sure, but there seemed no sign of any glass. Surely there would be fractals, pushed under the cupboards, tiny shards, but there was nothing. This lead Caspar to believing it was all a dream, perhaps he was just imagining it.

"Um, Caspar, you're acting quite creepy, mate," Alfie spoke, taking a seat next to him. "What the hell happened?"

"Nothing, Nothing, it's fine, leave it."

"Alright," Alfie spoke warily, eyeing Caspar before sparking a new conversation. Caspar would have payed more attention but his mind was elsewhere, still caught up in last nights events which swirled around his mind, wreaking havoc.

"Anyways, you excited to move in to your own apartment? Although you might be a bit lonely at first," Alfie joked, knocking Caspar's arm with his elbow.

"Yeah, I guess," Caspar shrugged. "Josh says he wants to move to England at some point next year or maybe the year after, plus I'll probably make more friends so I'm looking forward to it."

"That's good," Zoe smiled, looking up at Caspar, one hand on her plastic cereal bowl and the other daintily holding a spoon. "You might be able to find a roommate sooner than Josh, if you're lucky."

Caspar nodded, his head falling into his hand. His eyes flickered over to the hallway, making sure that his bags were still there. His main suitcase was still in the boot of Alfie's car, so he didn't have to worry about that, as Alfie was dropping him off. He looked up all of a sudden as quiet footsteps came down the stairs. Zoe stood up quickly, dropping her spoon into her bowl and exiting the kitchen. Caspar looked over at Alfie confusedly, and Alfie looked back at him before speaking.

"It's Joe, her brother," Alfie spoke nonchalantly, his gaze returning to his bowl.

Caspar resisted the urge to stand up and barge out there, demanding an explanation for last night, but politely stayed in his seat instead, listening intently to their quiet conversation.

"What did they do to you?"

"What they normally do, what else?"

That was one of the first times Caspar had heard Joes voice- not from a YouTube video. He was right, it was him last night (well he had figured that out already). He had quite a deep voice, yet it was soft and smooth, and it drew Caspar in.

Caspar wanted to know Joe Sugg.


	4. 4

Caspar clambered out of Alfie's rickety car, his hand still clasped on the dark car door handle, and looked up at the giant apartment building. It towered above him, in pale brick, and casted a large shadow on the ground below.

"Stop staring and help," Alfie groaned, tugging on the car boot door. Caspar's head flew round as he smirked at Alfie, tugging open the back door and pulling out his bag, throwing it over his shoulder. He nudged the car door forward and it fell shut. He returned to eyeing the huge building, the commotion of his bags clanking against Alfie's car in the background.

"What the hell are in these, bricks?" Alfie grunted, heaving yet another bag out the car. Caspar chuckled breathily, strolling over and lending Alfie a hand.

"You're weak," Caspar joked, shoving Alfie as he lifted the bag up with ease.

"Am not," Alfie mumbled quietly, standing on his toes to pull down the car door.

"And now," Caspar started, fiddling in his pocket for the key. "We need to get them up... how many flights of stairs? A lot probably, knowing my luck."

"Four, wasn't it?"

"Sure, we'll go with that."

Caspar grabbed his suitcase as Alfie struggled with the other two bags, and they made their way inside.

It seemed even larger inside, and in the centre stood a giant staircase. As Alfie went to explore the building plan, Caspar dropped his bags and went forward to stare up the stairs. The ceiling was so far away that it was practically invisible, and Caspar let out a groan of the thought of having to climb them everyday.

-

Eventually, they somehow managed to make it up to Caspar's apartment (Caspar himself wasn't quite sure how they did it, it was kind of a blur to him). It was rather difficult, as they had gone two floors higher than Caspar's and then back down one too many. It didn't help that the heating in the building was incredibly powerful, so they were both boiling hot and very sweaty, much to Caspar's distaste. He understood that it was November, and the outside air was such a bitter freezing cold, but the inside was positively sweltering, and Caspar had admitted to Alfie that he may have even preferred the temperature outside, to which Alfie agreed.

"And you're sure this is the right apartment? I don't think I can face the awkwardness of trying to explain to yet another person why we were trying to open their front door," Alfie admitted, rubbing the back of his neck and leaning up against the wall.

"Yes, I'm sure," Caspar reassured Alfie, looking up at the small plate on the dark door. "See, 4-2." Caspar pointed at the door and then shoved the paperwork towards Alfie, which had all the apartment information on it. Whilst Alfie skimmed through it, Caspar shoved the keys in the door, and to his relief, he pushed the door open.

The apartment itself was quite big, the ceiling towered above Caspar massively, making the large room look much bigger than it really was. It looked so vast, so empty, and Caspar's goal was to change that. He wandered over to the living room, or more like the lounge area, as the upstairs was one big room, with a kitchen, living room and a dining table. As Alfie struggled to lug the bags through the doorway, Caspar was taking in the atmosphere of the apartment, dragging his hand across the polished granite countertop before approaching the large, white sofa. As he collapsed into it, Alfie spoke up from the door.

"Little help, Caspar?" Alfie asked, clearly struggling.

"You can do it Alf. It'll make you stronger- heck knows you need it," Caspar joked. He looked back at Alfie, who had given up and was leaning dramatically in the doorway.

"Well Caspar," Alfie smirked. "Turns out I gotta go now, see you later!"

"Alfie goddamn Deyes, get your ass back here or I swear to god-" Caspar walked out the doorway but Alfie was nowhere to be seen. All Caspar could hear was faint footsteps and the quiet echoes of Alfie's shrill laugh.

Caspar sighed, pulling the rest of the bags inside the apartment, and shutting the front door gently, locking it behind him. Caspar sighed, walking down the stairs, his hand grasping the metal stair rail. Caspar flicked up the light switch and light filled the room. Caspar gently pushed open all of the doors, revealing a small bathroom and two bedrooms. Caspar strolled into the biggest bedroom and sat down on the double bed.

Caspar sighed quietly, resting his head in his hand. it was so quiet, and Caspar didn't like it. Back in South Africa there was always people around, friends, family. It was like one big community. Now Caspar felt left out, alone. He longed to find someone to share his apartment with. Someone who could fill the silence with their laughter, someone who's presence would linger in the house, alongside Caspar's. Someone to live in the other bedroom, which just stayed there, a reminder that Caspar needed a roommate. Someone to chip in with bills and rent and food and other things. Someone to stay up late and mess around with. Of course, Caspar knew that if he ever found his soulmate then they would live with him, but who knows how far into the future that could be.

Sighing, Caspar bought out his phone, and called Josh, his best friend. They had been best friends for ages, Josh was Caspar's other half. The two boys were closer than close, so of course Josh was devastated when Caspar told him he was moving.

"Josh?" Caspar asked quietly, feeling awkward in this new room in which the tense atmosphere had not been broken.

"Caspar, Oh my gosh, how is England?" Josh spoke cheerily. Caspar could just about make out what Josh was saying but just hearing his familiar South African accent instantly filled Caspar's heart with happiness.

"It's... It's great, but-"

"But what?"

"I'm just a bit lonely, you know. The apartment is so empty, I really don't like it."

"When you meet that special person the they can stay with you, right?" Josh asked, teasing and joking him.

"Who knows how long that will be Josh, it could be months, years, never."

"Stop being so negative, Caspar. What have I told you?"

Caspar laughed at his friend, and for the first time in that apartment, Caspar's face broke out into a grin.

Caspar missed his best friend.


	5. 5

It was a miserable, cold November afternoon, and Caspar had settled in to his apartment fairly well. Of course it was lonely and quiet, and Caspar hated the silence of the flat. Although he had filled the kitchen cupboards with plates and glasses, and the sofa was adorned with cushions. Although all his toiletries had been put into the en-suite bathroom, and the shower had already been used multiple times. Although his colourful bedsheets were on the double bed and all his clothes were in the wardrobe. Although he had tried so hard to make it like home, it was still vast, lonely and dreary, reflecting exactly how Caspar felt.

In the couple of weeks he had been living there, either Alfie or Zoe had come over and spent the day there, keeping Caspar company, and although Caspar appreciated the effort they went to, he just felt so incomplete, unhappy although he knew he should be content. He had everything he needed, friends, and apartment, the only other thing he wanted was his soulmate, but with every passing second, his hope to find them was slowly diminished.

-

"Hey, Mum."

"Caspar, how is England?" Caspar's mum asked, smiling at Caspar over the Skype call.

"It's great," Caspar spoke reluctantly.

"Have you found 'you-know-who' yet?" She asked grinning whilst smirking slightly.

"No, mum. I haven't." Caspar thought, wondering whether or not he should spill his thoughts to him mum. "I'm worried," Caspar breathed, looking down at the keyboard of his laptop. "What if I never find them? What if I become soulmate-less?"

"Caspar, everyone has these thoughts. even I did, and look where I am now, with a family of my own. You know soulmate-less people are very rare anyways. Plus you're still young, you have your whole life left to meet them."

"You're right, you're right," Caspar whispered, reassuring himself more than his mum.

"Caspar, Darling, I've got to go. Sorry the call was so short. I'll call you again as soon as I can."

"Okay," Caspar sighed, smiling. "Talk to you some other time."

"I love you."

"Love you too, mum."

The loud jingle which signified the call ending echoed around the room, and Caspar pushed the laptop lid down. He leant back into the sofa, and stared up at the windows, focusing on the dark cloudy sky and the loud patter of raindrops against glass. His eyes slowly dropped shut, the only thing on his mind was the gentle repetitive splatters of water that filled the empty void of the room.

Caspar found himself walking through a park, wrapped up in thick clothes as rain fell around him. His tough shoes scuffed against the concrete path, rotting leaves embedded into the ground, the grey sky visible through leafless trees. Caspar looked around, and suddenly the air was filled with a repetitive metallic creaking. In the distance, a hunched over boy sat on a swing, his head down, his feet slowly rocking him forward and back. The rusty metal chains holding him up were creaking, and that was the noise that had disturbed the peaceful atmosphere. As Caspar's eyes stayed focused on the boy, he watched in surprise as he fell forward, off the swing and onto the ground. Just as the boy turned to look at Caspar, his vision turned to black.

Caspar quickly awoke, sitting up hurriedly, his eyes darting around the room to find it the same. The sky outside was still a dreary ash grey and the rain had only seemed to grow heavier. He sighed, his eyes focused on the slowly moving clouds. Although it wasn't late, he could tell that the sky would be growing dark soon. Caspar stood up quickly, not entirely sure why, and he found himself pulling on his boots and his warm coat, before grabbing the keys off the countertop. That was the time to make use of the light before it died. Before he knew it, he was locking the front door to his apartment, and hurrying down the stairs. It was like his brain suddenly lost control of his body, and he found himself confused and slightly scared. Where was he even going? He had no idea about what was in the area, and all he could do was guess, he supposed. As he shoved open the door to the building, he looked up at the sky and remembered how miserable the weather was, and he hadn't even bought an umbrella. This clearly didn't seem to matter though, and Caspar soon found himself briskly strolling down the slippery pavement. He pushed his cold hands into his pockets and looked up, already noticing the sky was darker that before, and this encouraged him to pick up his pace. He looked around him, taking in the many buildings, completed by scattered shops and dingy alleyways. The only green Caspar could see were the tiny weeds peeking through the slabs in the pavement, it was so lifeless, so desolate. Caspar still hadn't adjusted to it, how different England was from South Africa.

When Caspar turned his head, he found himself stood in front of a large set of gates, which marked the entrance of what seemed to be a very large park. Caspar's dream flashed in front of his eyes, and out of pure curiosity, his hands closed around the the cold metal bars and he pushed. The gates squeaked as they opened, and Caspar stepped forward, looking up at the silhouettes of leafless tree branches, dark in contrast to the pale grey, cloudy sky which was still hurtling drops of water down at the ground, which splashed down at Caspar's feet, creating small puddles. He pushed the gates shut behind him, not looking back in the process, and then made his way forward, following the path which turned and twisted until Caspar could see a large oak tree in the distance, surrounded by an endless field, so the tree stood out clearly in front of the bland sky behind it. The thing that appealed to Caspar so much was the swing attached to one of the lower branches. Sat on the swing was a slumped over figure, who appeared to be shivering with the cold. Caspar's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern, and he approached them slowly. As he got closer, he could tell that the person was a boy, and that he was facing away from Caspar, so he made an extra effort to try and make his footsteps louder, as not to scare the boy.

Caspar wanted to help him, more than anything.


	6. 6

"Hey, are you alright?" Caspar spoke, placing a hand on the boys shoulder gently. Caspar watched awkwardly as the boy jumped up in shock, his head turning as he fell forward off the swing, his hands meeting the sodden, hard ground.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Caspar apologised, his hand covering his mouth, muffling his speech slightly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

The boy turned, moving a hand up to brush his damp, chestnut hair out of his eyes, and looked up at Caspar, eyes wide with what Caspar assumed was fear. His brows furrowed, as he made eye contact with the smaller boy. He recognised him, unfortunately.

"Joe?"

"Oh my god, please don't tell me you're a fan," Joe sighed, his head dropping.

"I'm Zoe's friend, Caspar. I stayed at your house a couple weeks ago," Caspar explained.

Joe's face contorted into a look of realisation, and his eyebrows raised as he gazed off in thought.

"I do remember Zoe saying something about you, now you mention it." Joe nodded slightly, before his face contorted to a worried look. "Were you there when I..."

"When you dropped the glass? Yeah, that was me," Caspar blurted, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. His mind flashed back to that night, the fear in Joe's eyes, his squeaks of pain as he was dragged by his hair. The way he was pushed up those stairs. The pain in his heart-rending sobs.  
Caspar didn't like to think about it, and a shiver ran down his spine just thinking about it.   
No one deserved to be treated like that, Caspar had concluded after those events, but he knew there was nothing he could do. He still stayed awake some nights, the heartbreaking scene replaying over and over in his mind.

He shook it off quickly and stepped round the side of the flimsy swing, pushing the frayed ropes to push it out the way slightly. Caspar held out his cold hand, and Joe looked up with wide eyes, before cautiously reaching for it. As the tips of their fingers made contact, a sharp spark ran down Caspar's arm, shocking him and causing him to pull away. His gaze rested on his hand for a moment, before looking down at Joe, who was shaking his hand gently.

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Ow." Joe paused, looking up at Caspar with one eyebrow raised.

"I assume you felt that too," Joe mumbled, shaking his head slightly.

"Lets try this again," Caspar chuckled breathily, reaching out his hand once more. This time, Joe's hand closed around Caspar's, and Caspar pulled Joe up with ease, noticing how little Joe weighed.

"Shouldn't you be heading home?" Caspar spoke.

Joes head dropped once more, and moment later, a sniffle sounded from the boy. Tears fell, almost unnoticeable in the rain, but Caspar saw them, and immediately approached the boy who was shivering with the cold.

Caspar asked himself how he could have been so stupid, before shrugging off his warm jacket and unwrapping the wooly scarf from his neck. He placed the jacket over Joe's broad shoulders, and wrapped the scarf around Joe's neck gently. Joe sniffled again, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of Caspar's coat- not that Caspar minded- and looked up, his eyes still glossy with tears.

"Thank you."

"You are very welcome," Caspar spoke softly, looking at the small boy happily.

Joe looked so adorable wrapped up in Caspar's clothes, and he seemed so small, so fragile, Caspar's heart swelled with concern and admiration for Joe.

He had not known the older boy for long, heck, he didn't really know him at all, but Caspar still found himself in awe of Joe, and shook his head. He could see how Caspar hadn't noticed how perfect Joe was before. Sure, low definition videos filmed by an old iPhone weren't the best depictions of the real life person, but now that didn't matter. Joe mattered, and that was it.

"Now, what's got you all upset?" Caspar asked, hoping that the question wasn't too much of an invasion of privacy. He had a tendency to ask the wrong questions at the wrong time.

"My parents, they kicked me out," Joe sniffled, wrapping his arms around himself gently. "I guess after all the years of abusing me for it, they finally got rid of their gay son. I got used to it after a while, but at least I had food, and shelter. Now I don't know what to do."

Caspar stepped forward, his arms wrapping around Joe's small frame, and pulling him into his chest whilst Joe cried.

Caspar had never been the best at comforting people, apart from hugs, he had been told that we wasn't half bad at those. In this moment, it seemed that all Joe needed was a hug, so Caspar gladly stood there, embracing him for as long as Joe needed, whilst his brain tried to come up with some ideas.

"Do you have anywhere to stay?" Caspar asked, as Joe pulled away. Joe shook his head in reply.

"Alfie doesn't really like me and I don't have any other friends. I don't think Zoe even knows they kicked me out yet, not that she could do anything if she did," Joe mumbled quietly, his head falling again. As tears welled up in Joe's eyes, he moved to take Caspar's coat off, shrugging it off his shoulders.

"Thank you, so much, but I won't get in your way anymore. It was nice meeting you, Caspar," Joe spoke, handing Caspar back his coat, before tugging at the scarf he had wrapped around his neck.

"Wait, where are you going to go?" Caspar asked, looking curiously at Joe, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"I don't know," Joe spoke quietly, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly with one hand. "I'll find somewhere, I'll be okay."

"Please don't. Just stay at mine tonight, just for one night, please Joe," Caspar spoke, placing a hand over Joe's, which was about to pull the scarf away. He handed his coat back to Joe, who looked at it confusedly.   
"Don't spend the night out here, god knows what could happen to you. Put my coat back on, and you can stay at mine. We can call Zoe, tell her what's happened. I know she cares about you, Joe."

"Are you sure Caspar? I don't want to be a bother," Joe sighed reluctantly, holding back as Caspar went to walk towards the gate.

"Trust me," Caspar spoke, smiling reassuringly at Joe.

Caspar wasn't going to let Joe suffer any more.


	7. 7

"Make yourself at home," Caspar grinned, flicking the light switch on as they entered the apartment. Joe's eyes grew wide as his head turned to take in the big room. The circular lights on the ceiling reflected in his glistening blue eyes, and Caspar watched in admiration as Joe looked around.

"It's so nice," Joe gasped, turning his head to look at Caspar, with a soft innocence in his wide eyes. "And there's so much space. I didn't even know you could get apartments this nice in London."

"Wait until you see your room," Caspar smiled, remembering the spare room. Turns out it had come in handy after all, which Caspar smiled at.

"My room?" Joe asked, his eyebrows furrowing questioningly. He turned to look at Caspar, before tugging at the wool scarf wrapped around his neck. "I don't need a room," Joe reassured him, handing Caspar back his burgundy scarf. "I'll sleep on the sofa tonight, and then I'll be gone by tomorrow. I won't stay, I don't want to take up your space."

"Your room is downstairs, make it yours, I'm not using it. Put your clothes in the wardrobe, do what you like. It's yours for however long you stay here, which judging by your state, will be a while. I don't care about your arguments, I'm not letting you back out on those streets, not if I can help it," Caspar smiled. Joe looked up at Caspar with tear glazed eyes, and dropped his bag on the ground to wrap his arms around Caspar's neck in a tight hug.

"Thank you, thank you so much," Joe sobbed, tears of joy flowing down his cheeks as he sniffled into Caspar's shoulder. Caspar felt his heart swell and smiled, wrapping his arms around Joe tightly.

"You are very welcome," Caspar assured him. Joe pulled away, wiping his watery eyes on the back of his hand.

"I swear I can pay. I'll get a job, no I'll get two, and then I can pay for food and bills and stuff, I'll cook, I'll clean, I'll do the-"

"Don't worry about it," Caspar chuckled, shaking his head. "You don't need to do anything." He took his coat from Joe, and turned to hang it on the peg on the wall.

Joe shook his head. He had to do something, he couldn't accept living there with the knowledge that he wasn't benefiting Caspar by staying there. He sighed and looked up at Caspar with a stern glisten in his eyes.

"I have to. Anything, come on. there must be something you need help with."

"Well it would be nice to eat something other than cereal and pizza for once," Caspar admitted, leaning up against the kitchen counter.

"I can cook!" Joe spoke excitedly. "And I'll try not to smash any glasses, I promise."

"Even if you did, it wouldn't matter," Caspar grinned rolling his eyes. He tilted his head quickly, gesturing for Joe to follow him, and he approached the stairs, wandering down them, glancing back to check on Joe, who all of a sudden, he had grown a strange longing to protect. Caspar couldn't quite understand why because they had only met about an hour earlier, and although Caspar had watched his videos, he was never a massive fan. He never understood why so many people loved him, but here he was, his adoration for the smaller boy only growing.

"This is your room," Caspar informed Joe, leaning up against the doorframe to let Joe in and look around.

"It's so nice, thank you, you didn't have to do this," Joe spoke sincerely. He turned to look at Caspar, and only in the soft light from the hallway did he notice how attractive Caspar actually was. His soft eyes were a bright royal blue and glistened in the dim light, focused on Joe. His pale lips were stretched into a caring smile, before Joe watched them contort to a smirk. His hair, how Joe loved his hair. It was a soft, pale brown, but complemented with striking blonde streaks, pushed up in a quiff, although strands tended to fall in front of his gentle eyes, which he brushed back with a hand through his hair.

Joe turned away, feeling his cheeks heat up, and he could spot the pink of his face from the bottom of his vision. His mind raced with thoughts he knew he shouldn't be having. Caspar was probably straight, and this left Joe feeling a little empty.

"I wanted to. I had a spare room, you needed somewhere to stay. Plus I get lonely here sometimes, it would be nice to have a roommate," Caspar admitted.

"Have you not found your soulmate yet?" Joe asked, cocking his head. He expected Caspar of all people to have found his soulmate by now.

Caspar shook his head, facing back towards the hallway, his head down. He breathed in deeply. Meeting Joe had distracted him from all the soulmate nonsense, and now he was reminded, he felt his stomach fill with a nauseous feeling, and his head ached.

"But you're so happy," Joe whispered, slowly approaching him. He stood opposite him in the doorframe, looking at Caspar curiously.

"I may look it, but inside its a very different story," Caspar admitted, looking up at Joe again. He smiled gently. "I guess I've always wanted to. I mean who hasn't? That's the ideal world isn't it? Being with your soulmate, the person you were made for. You feel empty, you know? Like you're missing another half."

Joe smiled in understanding, his mind processing Caspar's thoughts. He hadn't considered Caspar to be the deep talking type, but apparently he was wrong. Joe couldn't help but feel sympathy tugging at his heart. He wasn't thinking straight.

Caspar made eye contact, and suddenly a strange tension seemed to fill the air, and Joe breathed out quietly. It was silent, but Caspar's mind was screaming at him, much like Joe's.

'He doesn't like you Caspar, so don't you dare.'

'Don't do it Joe, you'll regret it again.'

But then every rational thought Caspar had ever had was thrown out the window, as he leaned forward and pushed Joe gently up against the doorframe, and kissing him lovingly. Joe's hands made their way up to curl in Caspar's hair as he kissed back feverishly, never wanting it to stop.

Caspar had fallen in love.


	8. 8

Caspar pulled away, stepping back. His eyes were wide and he was instantly filled with regret. He looked away, finding himself not able to meet Joe's worried gaze. He placed his hand on his forehead and went to make his way to his own bedroom. He stopped, nearly turning his head back, but stopping himself.   
"You can carry on unpacking if you want. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. You can call Zoe if you like," Caspar spoke, his voice wavering. "If you need me I'll be in my room, just call."   
Then he left, he pushed the door open and entered his bedroom, shutting the door behind him forcefully, and then wincing at the loud bang it made. He collapsed on the bed, his first instinct was to call Josh.

Sure, Caspar knew that Josh wouldn't know what to do. Caspar always called Josh for advice, but that was kind of because he didn't really have many other friends that would listen to him, but he would never admit that to Josh. He wasn't the brightest person, but he never failed to make Caspar feel just that little bit better, which made all the difference in Caspar's book.

Caspar's hand blindly shifted towards the bedside table, grasping his phone and pulling it towards him, swiping across the lock screen to find it already open on the phone app. Caspar tapped the familiar contact and grinned as his phone began to ring.

"Hey, what's up?" Josh spoke almost immediately.

"Josh, I need some advice."

"What's happened this time?" Josh asked, and Caspar could imagine him rolling his eyes, and stifled back a laugh.

"It's a long story," Caspar admitted.

"I've got all evening."

-

Meanwhile, Joe was still leant up against the doorframe, his eyes shut as he held back tears. He knew he shouldn't have done it. Although Caspar initiated it, it didn't mean Joe had to kiss back. How could he have thought that anything good would have come out of that? His head leant back against the wood as his eyes opened at the sound of Caspar's voice from down the corridor. He lifted a shaky hand to wipe his teary eyes, and a different voice filled his head. instead of thoughts about the kiss, it was filled with curiosity. Caspar's mumbles filled his ears, and he quietly approached Caspar's bedroom door.

"I don't know what to do, Josh. What if I like him?"

Joe's eyebrows furrowed. Surely Caspar wasn't talking about him, and what did he mean by like? Joe turned away, his head hurting too much to ponder over the situation any longer that night. He entered the spare room again, and shut the door quietly behind him. He sat on the grey duvet, pulling his knees to his chest and leaning up against the wall, his eyes watching the dark world outside the window. Eventually his head fell backwards and his eyes closed, and he fell into a restless unconsciousness, leant up against the wall.

-

Caspar had woken up the next morning with his phone in his hand, and rolled over to sit up tiredly. His back ached, and he placed his phone down, stretching.

"God, I feel like shit," Caspar mumbled, standing up.

He trudged over to his door, pulling it open, and making his way down the corridor. His eyes flickered over to the doorway of the spare room, an his mind flickered back to last nights events. He regretted everything, and calling Josh the night before hadn't really depleted the worries in his head. He approached the door, and pushed it open ever so slightly to peek inside. He spotted Joe, asleep up against the wall, and felt his stomach fill with butterflies.

Joe looked so peaceful when he slept, and Caspar couldn't help but let out a soft breath, and smiled gently. he turned away before more thoughts filled his head, thoughts he knew he shouldn't have. He placed his hand on the wall by the stairs and glanced back, sighing, before making his way up the stairs. He shook it off and made his way over to the kitchen, pulling a bowl out of a cupboard.

He collapsed on the sofa, reaching over for the TV remote, trying to distract himself with a pointless television show, and a bowl of some bland cereal which was probably past the 'best before' date. Caspar focused onto the show, and managed to distract himself for a short while.

-

When Joe woke up, he instantly regretted sleeping in that position, and placed a hand at the small of his back, rubbing forcefully to try and deplete the ache in his spine. He winced as he rolled his shoulders back, and stood up, stretching. He listened intently to the quiet noise upstairs, and assumed Caspar was already awake. He breathed in deeply, and grabbed his bag off the floor, rifling through it to find some clothes other than the damp, muddy ones he was wearing.

Eventually he changed into a suitable outfit, and pushed open the door, trying to gather the courage to make his way upstairs. He placed a hand on the banister and slowly made his way up, wincing at the loud creaks of the wooden floorboards. He made his way to the top, and looked around to see Caspar watching the TV, the back of his head facing Joe.

"Good morning," Caspar smiled, turning to face Joe.

"Morning," Joe spoke quietly, standing awkwardly.

"Oh yeah, help yourself to the cereal on the counter, if you want," Caspar spoke, looking back at the television, his heart racing. Joe nodded, and made his way over to Caspar's small kitchen. "Did you call Zoe?"

"Oh, no, I-I didn't," Joe mumbled. "I'll call her in a bit, I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising?" Caspar asked, turning the volume of the show down and facing Joe, sitting sideways on the sofa. "I just thought you'd want to, you don't have to."

"Okay," Joe whispered, his head falling. "I'll do it later on."

"Alright, that's good. You know she cares about you?"

"Of course I do."

Caspar felt a love for the boy settle in his heart, but he was far too deep to care.


	9. 9

"I'm sorry about last night," Joe mumbled breathily, turning away from Caspar as they sat on the sofa.

He shouldn't have said anything, or at least that's what he thought, but his mind and been telling him that he had to apologise, so he did.

"Don't," Caspar spoke, before pausing. "Don't apologise, never apologise for something you didn't do. I should be the one apologising. I kissed you, without consent, and I regret it. If anyone should be sorry, its me, and I am."

Joe didn't know what to reply to that with. He had a sudden boost of confidence after hearing Caspar apologise, and turned to face him. He didn't realise how close Caspar had moved, and all of a sudden they were face to face, centimetres between them. Joe held his breath, his soft baby blue eyes meeting Caspar's, and only then could he take in the true beauty of Caspar's facial features. His breath caught in his throat and he felt the same nerves as last night creep into his stomach.

"Caspar?" He breathed, barely audible from how quiet it was. "Do you like me?"

It was quiet, for a long time as Joe could only watch Caspar's eyes filled with a complex amount of different emotions.

"I don't know, Joe. I don't know. Yes, you're attractive, and I'd absolutely love to be in a relationship with you, but I haven't met my soulmate yet. What about them?" Caspar asked, backing away from Joe, his head falling.

"Who cares about soulmates anymore?"

"I do, Joe. My soulmate, the one person in this universe who was made for me. I can't ignore them, Joe. I can't love you when there's someone out there who I'm meant to love, how would they feel to know that their soulmate, the person who they were destined to be with, was taken. Why don't you care?"

"Because I gave up on that world a long time ago! That euphoric life where you love someone, someone who was made for you, someone who makes you happy. I gave up on it all. I figured that I would only disappoint my soulmate so I stopped searching. My parents always told me that I would never find them, or that I didn't deserve love, o-or happiness. I guess after all those years of them drilling it into my mind, I finally believed it." Tears were gently rolling down Joe's cheeks, and his eyes weren't focused on anything as his vision was blurred with tears.

"Joe, you can't let your parents' comments affect you. They didn't treat you right, nothing they said was true," Caspar spoke gently, trying to comfort Joe by placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're gonna find your soulmate one day, and they won't be disappointed. I promise you."

Caspar shuffled closer to Joe on the sofa, and wrapped his arm around Joe's shoulders. Joe sniffled, resting his head on Caspar's shoulder.

"You should go take a nap. Up against the wall isn't really the best place to fall asleep. I can call Zoe and let her know you're here if you like," Caspar smiled.

He felt Joe nod under his chin, and let him go, watching him as he slowly trudged towards the stairs. As Joe made his way to the spare room, his back began to ache. He stretched back, rubbing it gently, trying to get rid of it. Joe assumed that it was caused by sleeping up against the wall, so passed it off as nothing. The pain only seemed to increase as he laid on the bed, and changed from an ache to a sharp sting. He winced, and sat up. It felt like his back was burning and made his way over to the wardrobe door. He opened it to reveal the mirror he had spotted that morning, and turned around. He hiked up the back of his shirt, and craned his head around at an uncomfortable angle to look in the mirror.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, his back looked the same, with a few spots or moles here and there, and his soulmate mark on the lower right. His fingers gently brushed over the mark and an excruciating pain followed.

"Shit," Joe hissed, pulling his hand away quickly.

Joe's face was contorted in pain, and he sat back down on the bed, confusion his primary emotion in that moment. His back had never felt so painful, and why did his soulmate mark hurt? Shifting around uncomfortably, he let out a yawn, and decided that he would figure it out once he woke up, if he could even get to sleep in the first place.

-

He drifted off eventually, which he realised as he was gently awoken. His face scrunched up and his eyes slowly opened, squinting at the figure in front of him.

"Joe," Caspar mumbled, gently shaking his shoulder. "Joe, Zoe's here."

Joe sat up slowly, his eyes scrunched shut as he stretched. Caspar smiled at Joe's fluffy, messy hair and his quiet yawn, but quickly composed himself. He turned around with a sigh, and made his way towards the door.

"Head up when you're ready."

-

"Joe, Joe, oh my god, you're okay," Zoe squealed, running over to Joe as he appeared at the top of the stairs.

Her arms wrapped around him tightly and Joe chuckled, stumbling back with the force of the hug. Caspar watched on from the kitchen, an empty mug in his hand.

"I'm fine, Zoe, don't worry about me."

"They didn't even tell me Joe! I can't believe them. What did they do?" Zoe spoke sternly, stepping back.

"Nothing, really. They shouted at me a bit, same as normal, and then Dad just told me to go. I would have gone to you, I swear, but I hardly had time to pack my shit, let alone come talk to you," Joe explained. "You should have seen him Zoe, I was scared than if I had stayed in that house for a minute longer, something really bad would have happened."

"Oh Joe. You can come stay with us. Me and Alfie are buying an apartment."

Joe's head fell, but he looked over at Caspar, who's eyes were wide at Zoe's words.

Caspar didn't want Joe to leave.


	10. 10

The next few weeks passed uneventfully. Day after day passed by, the kiss unmentioned, but far from forgotten. Joe helped out, just as he had sworn to, and often busied himself around the house, cleaning and tidying, although Caspar had told him many times that he didn't have to.

"I want to, trust me. Its the least I can do for you letting me stay here," Joe had explained, a soft blush painting his cheeks as his head fell.

Mostly though, Joe found himself in the kitchen, baking and cooking to his hearts content. Caspar could watch Joe for hours, the concentration in his features, and adored the little excited squeaks Joe would let out once something had gone to plan. Joe was good at it too, Caspar discovered, and every day he looked forward to seeing what Joe would place in front of him.

Zoe's suggestion was also a common subject of conversations between them. Caspar didn't want Joe to go. Not because of his cooking or cleaning, but because he loved the company. He no longer woke up to silence, as Joe was often up and about by then. It was also his personality, his humour, his sheer selflessness. He of course never mentioned his views to Joe, Caspar wouldn't want to influence his decision. He wanted Joe to be happy, and if Joe moving in with Zoe and Alfie was what it took, then so be it.

Joe found himself stuck, still pondering the proposition. He didn't want to leave Caspar. Although he hardly showed it, he did enjoy having Caspar around. He felt as if he had truly made a friend, and it filled Joe with a sense of belonging, unlike he'd never quite felt before. On the other hand, he never wanted to disappoint Zoe, and she had seemed so eager when she explained it to him. He also felt as if it was doing Caspar a favour. Joe couldn't help but think he was getting in Caspar's way all the time, maybe it was best to go. Maybe it would make Caspar happier.

-

"Have you thought about Zoe's offer yet?" Caspar asked, looking up at Joe from across the table. He trailed his fork around his plate, eagerly waiting to receive an answer.

"Yeah, a bit," Joe mumbled, before picking up the mug next to him. "Not much, but a bit. She didn't say when- I could go any time, but I should probably try and make a decision soon."

"Don't worry about it too much, you have all the time in the world," Caspar reassured him, placing a hand under his chin to lean on.

"What do you think? Do you want me to go? Be honest," Joe spoke, looking at Caspar intently.

"If I'm entirely honest, I don't want you to leave. I do like having you here, really," Caspar admitted. "Don't let me influence your decision though. If you want to go then do, I know Zoe wants you to."

Joe nodded tiredly, resting his head in his hands.

"I know she does. I don't want to disappoint her," Joe breathed, looking up. "I don't really want to go with them."

"Don't then. Just tell her, she'll understand."

Joe nodded, getting up from the table, grabbing his mug and making his way over to the kitchen to place it in the dishwasher.

"I'll tell her now," Joe mumbled, heading over to make his way downstairs.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

-

Joe held his phone up to his ear, biting nervously at a nail on his right thumb whilst he listened to the continuous droning as the phone rung.

"Joe!" Zoe spoke excitedly, her cheery voice muffled over the shitty speakers of Joe's old phone.

"Hey, Zoe," Joe greeted quietly, pulling his hand away to talk.

"Why'd you call?" Zoe asked happily. "Have you made a decision yet?"

"I have- actually," Joe sighed, scratching the back of his neck lightly out of a nervous habit. He waited for Zoe to speak again as his foot tapped a quiet rhythm on the polished wood of the bedroom floor.

"Oh really? So, what have you decided?" Zoe grinned, and Joe could practically hear the slight smirk on her face. He rolled his eyes gently.

"I'm going to stay with Caspar for now. I'd rather stay here," Joe spoke confidently, his mood changing after detecting the cocky undertones in Zoe's voice.

"What? Why don't you want to come with me and Alfie?" Zoe snapped, although she did sound a little upset, which made Joe's stomach drop. He didn't want to disappoint Zoe, let alone upset or offend her. Joe panicked silently, his confident facade deteriorating.

"Zoe, I just-"

"No, I get it. You like him, don't you? I bet you do," she sneered, and Joe whimpered silently, rubbing his clammy hand against his jeans. "I knew it!" She jeered after Joe hadn't denied her suspicions. "Mum and Dad were right."

Joe let out a sob as he quickly pulled the phone away from his ear, ending the call immediately. He stared down at his dark phone screen, tears leaking from his eyes and splattering silently on the glass. A quiet knock came from the door and Joe looked up tearily.

"Joe? Are you still on the phone?" Caspar asked quietly from the other side of the door.

"No," Joe croaked, wiping his tears with the side of his hand. He watched as Caspar entered the room, and looked at him as his soft expression quickly changed.

"Oh no," Caspar spoke softly, wrapping his arms around Joe comfortingly, and Joe gladly hugged back, burying his face into Caspar's shoulder. "What happened?"

"She bought up my parents, Caspar. She knows not to do that, she knows what they did," Joe murmured, muffled by Caspar's shoulder. Caspar felt sorry for the smaller boy, and rubbed his back gently, trying to comfort him.

"I don't know why she did that, but she shouldn't have. Maybe she's just angry that you're staying with me," Caspar suggested, moving a hand up to gently fiddle with Joe's soft hair.

"Maybe," Joe sighed, his eyes slowly closing.

And in that moment, Caspar could think of nothing better than laying with Joe in his arms forever.


	11. 11

Caspar had been going out more over the past month or two, and that night was no different. He pulled his jacket over his arms, checking himself in the mirror to make sure he looked impressionable. The only reason he had been going out so much was to increase the possibility of finding his soulmate- so if he did manage to stumble across them, he wanted to at least make sure he looked reasonable. He had a plain black t-shirt on, (something that actually took up quite a bit of space in his wardrobe. Caspar never quite knew why, or where he had gotten them from, but he had reasoned that you could never go wrong with a black t-shirt, and therefore he never questioned it.) with a pair of light grey skinny jeans, with so many holes in them it looked like Caspar was just increasingly clumsy and kept ripping holes in them. This wasn't actually entirely incorrect, as Caspar could probably state three times he had fallen over in those jeans alone. Over the top he had thrown a dark, navy blue bomber jacket, and had tried to style his messy hair so that he wouldn't have to flick strands out of his face every other second. He pushed his hand through his hair once more, his face contorting to an expression of disgust as the felt his hair products making his hands sticky.

"Ew, fucks sake," Caspar moaned, shaking his hand in disgust, before wiping his hand on the side of his jeans. He made his way towards the hall, swinging his leg back to kick his wardrobe door shut, hearing the mirror rattle as it slammed. He rolled his eyes and made his way upstairs, his hands grasping his wallet and phone from the table, sliding them both in his jean pockets.

"Going somewhere?" Joe asked from the sofa, his head turned, a cocky smirk on his lips.

"You know it," Caspar chuckled, winking jokingly as he reached for the keys in the bowl on his counter. "I'll be out a while, you know my-"

"- Number and don't wait up for me," Joe completed, feigning a South African accent mockingly, which Caspar sneered at. "I know, I know, have fun looking for the love of your life."

"I will! See you later!" Caspar spoke loudly.

"I highly doubt that," Joe mumbled, mainly to himself as he turned back to return to watching whatever pointless programme was on TV, although he was mostly scrolling through his phone. Although he wouldn't admit it, Joe hated silence, although Caspar left quite often, which left the apartment quiet. As he disliked it so much, he often put the TV or some music on, whilst he was doing anything, be it flicking through his phone or making dinner for him and Caspar. Most of the time he didn't need to though, as Joe and Caspar often trailed on about the strangest things, and Joe loved every second of it.

Understandably, Joe was a little upset when Caspar had started going out every night, especially when he came home often rather intoxicated. Although Joe also enjoyed it, though he'd never admit it, as Caspar tended to spill secrets when he was drunk as Joe had learned. So far the information he had gathered was quite strange. He had the majority of Caspar's life story down, also the fact that he really quite disliked the centre of London and that he's only going out every night to try and find his soulmate quicker. Joe remembered feeling his stomach drop when Caspar had admitted the latter one drunkenly. He was hoping that Caspar maybe wouldn't find his soulmate too quickly, as he loved staying with Caspar, and had no doubt that Caspar would kick him out once he found them. Then where would he go? Zoe and Alfie's? Joe grimaced at the idea. Back home? Joe prayed it wouldn't come down to that, he had found an escape after all that time, he would not be returning back there so easily, not if he had a say in it (not that Joe thought his parents would even let him back into their house.)

-

Many hours passed slowly, and Joe spent the majority of them doing absolutely nothing. He did make himself a small sandwich and two cups of coffee- Caspar could warm his up when he got home if he wanted it. He also got round to texting Zoe, albeit reluctantly, asking how moving in was going. She was yet to reply but Joe took no notice. He also ended up taking a shower, which took longer than usual as Joe took advantage of the fact that Caspar was out to refine his singing skills.

He was stood in his bedroom, his sodden hair dripping drops down his back and the towel wrapped loosely over his hips when he heard the door shut loudly. He rolled his eyes, sitting down on the bed.

Meanwhile, Caspar stumbled around upstairs, chucking his phone, keys and wallet into the table, only his phone actually making it luckily, the keys and wallet sliding off and on to the floor. Caspar would pick them up later, or so he told himself in his drunken state (the truth is the next morning he would probably be very confused as to why his wallet and keys were on the ground practically underneath the table.)

"Hey Joe?" He asked, making his way down the stairs, one hand on the wall to keep himself upright. He wasn't too drunk, not as much as he had been previous nights, but everything was a bit blurry, and Caspar knew he would probably end up with a hangover the next morning.

"Yeah?" Joe replied, his head turning slightly, glancing at the bedroom door, which was shut to.

Caspar had made his way to the bottom of the stairs without falling somehow, and was now facing Joe's bedroom door. Without thinking, he knocked on the door slightly, before letting himself in. To say he wasn't taken aback a little when he entered would have been a lie, as he did not expect to see Joe dripping wet and nearly naked but shook his head clear. As his vision cleared though, his eyes fell to the mark on Joe's lower back. A mark that Caspar knew all too well. A mark that was identical to Caspar's.

"Oh, it's my soulmate mark," Joe grinned, turning to look at Caspar, and following his eye line. "Pretty cool, right?"

Before Caspar knew it he was out of there, shutting the door heavily behind him. His eyes were closed, his head already starting to pound and ache and all he wanted was sleep.

Caspar didn't know what to do.


	12. 12

Caspar woke up the next morning to find himself with a headache, which he expected, but also a sort of anxious feeling in his stomach. He was confused and slightly worried at first, but then his mind immediately flashed back to the previous night, and he felt his stomach instantly drop. He breathed out heavily as the events replayed over and over in front of his eyes. There was no doubt about it, what Caspar had seen was definitely not something his mind was conjuring to perplex him. He had seen Joe's mark, and there were no two ways about it, it was identical to his own. He wasn't upset that it was Joe, no, in fact he felt the opposite. Caspar didn't think there was anyone else he would rather have as his soulmate than Joe. He was kind, funny, and damn- did Caspar think he was attractive- all the things Caspar had hoped for in his soulmate. He was happy, yes, but felt a wave of dread wash over him as he realised that if he ever wanted anything to happen between them, he would have to confront Joe about his discovery. However if Caspar had one thing on his side, it was that Joe already liked him. Enough to want Caspar as his soulmate? He didn't know, but it seemed like the only thing rooting for him in this situation, so stuck by it religiously.

Caspar sat up a little too quickly that he probably should have, causing him to groan as the pain in his head was only intensified. His throat was sore and scratchy, and he coughed heavily, only making it hurt more. As well as that, he had planned to make a video that day- more specifically that morning- but judging by the fact that it was nearly quarter to one in the afternoon, he decided against that idea. That and the fact that his throat stung, his head ached, and talking non-stop for about half an hour sounded like hell. Even if he could bring himself to get out of bed, get dressed and make himself look presentable enough to post on social media without being judged - he highly doubted that his throat would hold up for that long. He would be wheezing and coughing before he knew it, so, as he pushed himself out of his warm bed, he concluded that no, he would not be making a YouTube video that day.

-

"You look a little worse for wear," Joe mentioned as Caspar approached the kitchen. He was leant up in the corner between the countertops, a mug of coffee in one hand. He pushed a steaming cup towards Caspar, as well as a painkiller of some sort. "How's the hangover?"

"Not the worst, but still fucking bad," Caspar groaned, picking up the mug.

"So, any luck finding them?" Joe asked, as he usually did every morning after Caspar had gone out. Caspar's mind contemplated what to reply with, as yes, technically he had made progress, but did not want to share the details.

"Yeah, kinda, I guess," Caspar murmured, his gaze dropping. Joe's eyebrows raised, eyes wide.

"Seriously?" Caspar shrugged in reply.

"So, who is the lucky lady- guy- person?" Joe stuttered, a blush of embarrassment coating his cheeks. Caspar's eyes widened. He couldn't tell Joe, not yet, so now what was he supposed to reply with?

"Just, some guy," Caspar stuttered, praying that Joe wouldn't question him further.  
He watched Joe nod simply, and then they stood in silence, and Caspar reckoned he wouldn't say anything more about it.

He didn't, at least, not until later on. They were sat together on the sofa, arms touching, watching the TV in silence before Joe spoke up.

"Well you don't seem too cheery about it," Joe blurted, turning to look at Caspar.

Caspar furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, his head tilting slightly.

"About what?"

"This guy. You were so excited, what happened? I'd have thought you'd been jumping for joy right now. You haven't even told me his name. You should be spending time with him. Caspar Lee," Joe paused, a smirk making its way onto his cheeks, his eyes darkening slightly. "Are you lying to me?"

Caspar breathed in loudly, a reluctant smile forming on his face.

"I may not have told you all the details, no."

"You little shit!" Joe grinned, slapping his arm playfully. "Now c'mon, tell me about it."

So, whilst Caspar made up more false facts to cover up last nights events, Joe's stomach was sinking, and his heart felt as if it was rising up his throat, choking him. It ached, it ached knowing that the one person he had ever felt a true connection with had just found their soulmate, the person he would love forever. God, what Joe would give to be in that persons place. All the things he would do just to have Caspar be his. He held back tears and tuned back in to Caspar's story. He didn't want to listen to Caspar anymore, but he couldn't leave, so he sat, an entirely false smile splayed on his face, holding back tears as Caspar described events that never happened-unbeknownst to Joe- and leading the small boy down an ever growing staircase of despair.

Joe tried desperately to hold back tears, he really did. However when he realised that Caspar was probably going to make him leave, he couldn't help but let his head drop and his shoulders shake a little. Caspar had been so kind to let him stay in his own home, and Joe would dare say that he had rather gotten used to it. Now he was going to have to go back out on the streets again, and he didn't know how he was supposed to cope.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Caspar stopped his false tale to ask.

Joe sighed deeply, looking up at the taller boy. He looked down again, turning his head sideways. He didn't know how to put it, he didn't want to seem ungrateful, but didn't want to bother Caspar any further. He just didn't know where he was supposed to go.

"I don't want to go back out on the streets."

Caspar didn't want Joe to go back out there, and in that moment, he knew that Joe was going to be living with him for a long time coming.


	13. 13

Caspar felt waves of regret wash over him at Joe's desperate words, and he immediately wished he had just lied to the other boy, and said that no, he had not met his soulmate yet, because now Joe was nearly in tears, and it was all his fault.

"I'm never going to make you go back out there," Caspar spoke truthfully, resting his hand on top of Joe's. "You can stay here for as long as you want. I promised you that before, and I'm promising that to you now."

"What about them?" Joe breathed, looking up, tears resting on his waterline, blurring the bottom of his vision. "You're going to move in together, fall in love with each other, you won't want me hanging around. I'll go, I swear, the second you tell me to, I'll be out that door. I won't intervene in you guys' relationship."

Caspar was so tempted in that moment, to turn around and tug up the back of his shirt, showing Joe his mark and putting a stop to Joe's thoughts. It was so easy, just to stop everything and show him that they were supposed to be together. Show Joe that he didn't need to worry anymore. But he couldn't. Something told him not to. Something within him was holding back, and Caspar didn't know why. It was stupid, but something at the back of his mind, something was telling him to hold back, at least for now.

"We only just met, Joe. They aren't gonna be moving in straight away. they could be a murderer for all I know," Caspar chuckled, but stopped when he saw that Joe did not seem to be amused. "Whatever happens, you will be okay, alright?" Joe nodded, and Caspar smiled, hugging him gently.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

-

"Caspar, Caspar, wake up," Joe whispered, shaking Caspar's shoulder forcefully.

They had fallen asleep on the sofa together, Caspar's arms wrapped protectively around the smaller boy, his face buried in Joe's fluffy hair. Their peaceful slumber had not lasted long though, as Joe had been awoken harshly by loud bangs on the front door.

Caspar hummed quietly as he stirred awake, Joe's worried expression being the first thing he laid his eyes on.

"Caspar, there's someone at the door," Joe mumbled.

"Caspar! I know you're in there," A voice came from the door, and Joe sighed a breath of relief as he recognised it. So did Caspar, it appeared, as he clambered off the sofa to open the door.

"Mate, what took you so long?" Alfie groaned, letting himself into the apartment, a unimpressed expression on his face.

"Sorry. I was asleep," Caspar groaned, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Alfie shook his head with a low chuckle.

"Can I crash at yours? Just for today, it's just, Zoe's going fucking crazy and it's so annoying," Alfie sighed.

Caspar's eyes flickered over to Joe, who was peering over the back of the sofa, watching their interactions.

"As long as Zoe doesn't come over here, it should be okay," Joe stated, and Caspar tilted his head towards Joe ever so slightly, as if to say, 'What he said'.

"Thanks, you've no idea how long I've wanted to get out of there. I love her, but sometimes she can just be so... so..."

"Bitchy?" Joe quipped with a smirk, and Alfie laughed breathily, nodding.

"I'm sorry about everything she said to you on that phone call, by the way. Nothing she said was okay, and I told her that," He apologised. Joe nodded, and shuffled up on Caspar's sofa to make space for the other two to sit down.

"Coffee?"

-

Five hours later, the three boys were sat on the sofa, Caspar one end, Joe in the middle, Alfie closest to the wall. Caspar and Alfie were playing some video game that Joe had never heard of, with characters he was unfamiliar with and a plot he didn't care for. He watched though, when he wasn't on his phone, killing the time by scrolling mindlessly through his social media.

"I reckon we should take a break now, mate," Alfie stated, placing his controller onto the coffee table in front of the sofa. Caspar nodded, quickly pausing the game and placing his controller down as well.

"Finally," Joe smirked. "You've been playing the same game for ages."

"It's a good game."

"Doesn't look it.'

Alfie chucked, gasping the cup of cold coffee next to his controller. He stood up, stretching slightly.

"My coffee's gone cold, I'm going to make myself another one," Alfie spoke, making his way to the kitchen. He miscalculated a step though, and Joe stretched out his legs, blocking Alfie and causing him to trip up.

Joe watched in amusement during the next few seconds, and everything seemed to happen in slow motion. When Alfie had regained his balance, he peered down at the practically empty mug, which had been at least half full before, and turned around. The sight he saw was enough to bring him to tears of laughter, which happened as the looked the tall boy over. Caspar was covered in cold coffee, and as he looked down at his white t-shirt, knowing that the beverage was guaranteed to stain it. Joe was red in the face and practically sobbing from laughing so hard, and although he loved that shirt, and he was freezing cold, even Caspar laughed.

-

Joe made his way back up the stairs, still chuckling, a large wad of toilet roll in his hand. He stopped at the penultimate step, looking at the sight before him. If there was anything he was expected to see, it was not Caspar Lee's smooth, toned, tan back. It wasn't even that which caught his attention. It was the mark, his mark, same place, same shape. It was the same. They were soulmates. Joe was taken aback, shock settling in him, causing him to grab onto the stair rail.

Caspar had already found his soulmate, as far as Joe was concerned, and now he was confused, worried, and more than a little concerned. Caspar had seen his back, so surely he knew, right? Fortunately for Joe, questions were being answered, but more were being created, and Joe needed some time. He ran back down and into his room, collapsing onto the bed with a sigh.

He had never been so utterly confused.


	14. 14

When Joe made his way upstairs again, he was surprised to see that Alfie was no longer there. Instead, Caspar was laying on the sofa, now wearing a new t-shirt, free from coffee stains. Caspar's head flew around at the sound of Joe's footsteps on the wood at the top of the stairs.

"What were you doing? Alfie just left, he wanted to say goodbye to you," Caspar informed him, resting his arm on the back of the sofa. Joe breathed out shakily.

"Fell asleep," He lied, as in reality, he had freaked out in his bedroom for about half an hour, pacing up and down so loudly he was surprised Caspar didn't yell at him to be quiet.

"Oh." Caspar nodded once, turning himself around further. He inhaled and then paused for a moment, holding his breath. "Joe, we need to talk."

Joe knew it was inevitable, at some point he knew they were going to have to talk about it. It wasn't like they could just ignore the fact that they were made for each other and find someone else to fall in love with, although Joe sometimes wished it was that easy. He was ecstatic, beyond glad that Caspar was his, yet he was so nervous that with everything that had happened, it wouldn't work out. What if they fell apart? What if it was just too awkward? He made his way over anyways, the fear in him almost paralysing, too scared to even talk. As he sat, right at the very edge of the sofa, Caspar chuckled, and Joe wanted to shout at him. How could he be so calm and collected as to laugh?

"You don't have to sit that far away from me, you know?" Caspar breathed, so Joe shuffled sideways slightly. "Joe, we're soul-"

"I know," He choked, clenching his hands together, his head dropped. "I know. I saw- it, and... and..."

"You don't mind?" Caspar whispered, hope filling his heart. The last thing he wanted to happen now was that Joe realised he didn't want to be with him. It would well and truly break his heart, and Caspar didn't know how much more heartbreak he could take, not after everything that had happened in the past few months. He watched Joe intently, swearing that he could hear the cogs turning in the other boy's mind.

"No, I don't mind. In fact, it's a good thing, right?"

"I don't know, Joe. You tell me," Caspar replied.

"It is. Its a good- it's a great thing," Joe whispered.

"Joe, look at me. Please," Caspar spoke quietly. Joe did as Caspar asked, albeit slowly, until Caspar could make eye contact with him. His face was pale and his eyes were wider than usual. "Do you... want this? Us- together?"

Joe didn't reply at first, and shaking breaths were the only thing that filled the desolate silence between them. Caspar could tell that Joe was desperate to hang his head once more, but refused to let him, holding eye contact with him.

"Yes, I do," Joe murmured eventually, finally letting his head fall after giving an answer. "I really, really do."

So where did they go now? that was the question that was shrouding Caspar's mind. They both wanted to be together, but what was the next step? Caspar had been leading the conversation so far, as Joe had been far too nervous to, but now it seemed like he had reached a dead end. He couldn't just ask Joe to be his boyfriend, that was far too forward, and he most definitely was not going to kiss him, not again. It wasn't that he didn't want to, he just didn't want to unnerve the smaller boy. So now they just sat in silence, an uncomfortable one at that.

"So, what now?"

Caspar was surprised by Joe's forwardness, and raised his eyebrows slightly.

"Only, I'm assuming you feel the same way. If not, forget I said anything," Joe stuttered.

"I do, I do!" Caspar exclaimed, holding his hands out reassuringly. "I'm sorry, I should have made that more clear. Yes, I do feel the same way."

"I'd like to be boyfriends, a-at some point. Maybe not now, but at some point, I'd love to be able to call myself 'Caspar Lee's Boyfriend'," Joe muttered, a dark blush creeping up his neck immediately after, and settling on his cheeks. He looked away, smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry, that was-"

"Absolutely adorable," Caspar grinned, shyly taking Joe's hand. Joe turned back, his eyes resting on their entwined fingers, and he squeezed Caspar's hand gently, only to feel a squeeze come back in return. He looked up and met Caspar's baby blue eyes again, the blush still still prominent on his cheeks. "You're so beautiful."

Joe scoffs out of the blue, disturbing the peaceful atmosphere. He shakes his head slowly. "I'm really not, at all," He murmurs, and Caspar feels his heart ache.

"Don't say that," He whispers, taking his other hand and bringing it up to cup Joe's chin, preventing him from looking away.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because it's not true," Caspar states. Joe breathes in sharply, and tears well up in his eyes, causing them to glisten in the light from the kitchen. "Hey, don't cry."

"I'm just happy. No one has ever told me that before, or anything near it, really. I never thought anyone would. You just make me happy," Joe admitted.

All of a sudden Joe's leaning in, and Caspar's leaning in, and everything's so fast paced yet agonisingly slow at the same time, and then time stops as their lips brush each other and it's so intimate and warm that Joe never wants to lose it. He clings on to Caspar the best as he can, bunching his fingers up into the dark grey fabric of his t-shirt as their lips move together. It's so undeniably familiar, and Joe had never realised how desperately he missed it until now. They pull away, and Joe is gasping for breath, a faint shine of tear tracks down his cheeks and he just wants more. He feels Caspar raking his long fingers through Joe's fluffy hair, and its blissful.

They've both never felt so in love.


	15. 15

When Caspar wakes up the next morning, he's surprised to see another body in the bed next to him. He smiles gently, kissing the top of Joe's head. He's warm, and Caspar notices that he has his arms draped around his waist. He pulls Joe closer, resting his head on top of Joe's, wrapping his arms only tighter. His mind flickered back to the night before, they had watched movies into the very dark of night and then retreated to Caspar's room, where they laid in each other's arms until they drifted off into a peaceful unconsciousness.  
The smaller boy began to stir in Caspar's arms, and he watched as Joe's eyes slowly opened and he lifted his hand up to drag it down his face. He shuffled backwards, rolling out of Caspar's arms, taking the blonde boy's hand instead. He made eye contact with Caspar, and smiled back, blinking slowly. Caspar leant forward, kissing Joe gently, bringing his free hand up to take Joe's head in his hand. He pulled away after a few moments, breathing deeply.

"Good morning," Joe smirked, his voice deep and throaty, and Caspar could swear that the boy in front of him only got more attractive with everything he did. Caspar sighed blissfully as a light blush dusted his cheeks.

"Morning," Caspar replies, pulling his hand from Joe's jaw to rake it through his own hair, pushing it out of his face. Joe rolls away from him, sitting up at the edge of the bed, reaching for his phone. He's swiping through his Instagram when Caspar winds his arms back around Joe's waist. "Come back to bed," He murmurs, kissing the mark on Joe's lower back. Joe feels a blush creep up his neck but he rolls his eyes at Caspar's pleading.

"Come on, you lazy sod," Joe grins, and turns his head to catch Caspar's feigned expression of hurt. "You have to get out at some point."

Caspar sits up, letting the duvet fall to cover just his legs.   
"Don't make me- hey- come back!" Caspar demands loudly, pouting slightly. Joe stands at the doorway, the light from the blinds catching him just right, and his eyes glisten, his hair is pushed back into a messy quiff and Caspar finally gets the chance to properly admire Joe's body, being only in his underwear.

"Sorry babe," Joe smirks, before turning around and making his way upstairs. Caspar feels his breath hitch as he blushes profusely at the nickname. What was this boy doing to him?

-

"I'm going out," Caspar spoke, leaning up against the front door, wallet and keys in his hand. Joe nods his head instinctively, Caspar had left the house so often before that it made no difference to Joe. Caspar left, and he came back home later on, and the cycle repeated itself. However, that was when Caspar was looking for his soulmate, and now he had so Joe was a little concerned as his mind jumped to conclusions.

"W-What?" He stuttered, making eye contact with Caspar. Caspar instantly seemed to understand Joe's thoughts, and his lips parted slightly in realisation. He placed the wallet and keys down on the table and approached Joe slightly.

"Hey, I'm just going to the shops. I promise. I'll be back as soon as I can, I swear."

"Okay," Joe breathed, seeming to be relieved. "I was just... I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'll be back soon. See you in a bit."

Joe nodded, smiling. Caspar turned, but before he could open the door and leave, Joe had jumped up from the sofa, and leant forward to grab Caspar's hand. He turned back quickly, so Joe pulled him forward, pressing their lips together. They kissed for a few moments, their lips sliding to interlock, before Joe pulled away.

"I had to."

-

"Joe! I'm home," Caspar called, shutting the door behind him. Caspar stilled for a moment, listening to the silence intently, trying to pick out any noise that would indicate Joe's wearabouts. After a few moments, the sound of rapid footsteps snapped Caspar out of his gaze. He put his hands behind his back, not wanting to show Joe what he had bought just yet. The smaller boy hugged Caspar tightly, standing on his toes to wrap his arms around Caspar's neck.

"I missed you," Joe mumbled into the taller boy's neck.

"I was gone for half an hour."

"It felt like five years."

-

"D'you know what I really like?"

"What?"

"Your face."

"Fantastic."

Joe and Caspar were sat on the balcony attached to Caspar's bedroom, sat by a small table that came when he moved in. When Caspar had gone out, he'd bought two bottles of alcohol, as Joe had requested the night before.

"I want to get drunk with you," He'd mumbled, half asleep. "I want to get really fucking drunk with you."

Also, Caspar had stopped by a flower shop down the road. He didn't hesitate before walking in and picking up the nicest flowers they had. Joe had put the flowers into a vase he'd found in the cupboard under the kitchen sink, and one of the bottles of wine was already empty. The other one was half empty, and as Joe sipped on yet another glass, he was shamelessly admitting how attractive he found Caspar's face to be.

"I want to be your boyfriend," Joe admitted. "You're really fucking hot, oh my god."

"I'd like to be your boyfriend too," Caspar replied. Caspar had most definitely not drunk as much as Joe so was far less intoxicated. There was a slight buzz in his head, but he still spoke normally, and his thoughts were clear. He found great amusement at Joe's drunken statements, knowing that Joe was unlikely to remember them for a while.

"Ask me then," Joe retorted cockily, crossing his legs and fully facing Caspar. "Go on."

Caspar rolled his eyes, chuckling and shaking his head.

"Right then. Joe Sugg, will you be m-"

"Yes, I will."

"Great."

-

"Good morning, boyfriend," Joe smiled, joining Caspar on the sofa, and leaning over to peck his cheek.

"You remembered that? You were pissed, what the hell?" Caspar laughed, genuinely surprised.

"Honestly Caspar, you are so easy to fool. I was acting, you idiot. That wine had literally no alcohol in it. I just tricked you," Joe grinned triumphantly.

"You're such a little-"

Caspar tackled Joe back, pushing him down on the sofa before sitting on top of his thighs. He laughed loudly as Joe struggled beneath him.

"Well, look where we got ourselves," Joe smirked, pulling Caspar down by the shoulders to kiss him passionately. Caspar kissed back, winding his hands to push through Joe's soft hair. He pulled away for a moment, admiring the boy below him.

"You're a great boyfriend."

"So are you, boyfriend."


	16. Epilogue

It had been a year. One whole year of Joe and Caspar being together, being best friends, being boyfriends, being soulmates. Both of them were happier than ever with the other boy around them, and loved them more than anyone else.

-

"Please?" Joe begged, pouting.

"I said no, the Landlord won't even let us- for a start," Caspar explained again, not even bothering to shift his eyes away from the laptop screen in front of him.

"But Zoe and Alfie have one!"

"Zoe and Alfie live in their own house, you'll remember."

"Lets move out then."

"Joe, we aren't moving out because you want a dog," Caspar chuckled quietly, smiling ever so slightly.

"Please, please. We can get somewhere cute, like a cottage! We can get a dog then!" He grinned, swiftly pushing Caspar's laptop screen down and leaning over to face him instead. "Come on. At least think about it!"

"Right, Right. I'll think about it," Caspar assured Joe, taking him gently by the shoulder and pushing his back onto the sofa. Joe sat, legs crossed and facing him, pouting ever so slightly as he looked intently at the taller boy.

"Are you thinking?"

Caspar hummed halfheartedly, opening his laptop up again. Joe's pleading remained at the front of his mind though, and all of a sudden he couldn't focus on the document open in front of him.

-

"Caspar! Caspar, look at this house," Joe exclaimed, shoving his phone in front of Caspar's tired eyes.

"Joe, love, I'm trying to go to sleep," Caspar groaned, rolling over in the opposite direction.

Joe noticed Caspar's annoyance, and slowly switched his phone off, holding onto it for a moment before placing it down on the bedside table. He climbed under the duvet, rolling over so he and Caspar were back-to-back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into the darkness, hoping that Caspar was still awake and hadn't drifted off yet, as Caspar was notorious in their household for falling asleep at the blink of an eye.

"It's okay. I get that you're excited, I'm just tired," Caspar mumbled, shuffling slightly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Come 'ere," Caspar murmured, rolling back over and wrapping his arms around Joe's waist, pulling himself closer so his chest was pressed against Joe's back. "Tomorrow, I'll help you look for a house. I'm sick of this bloody apartment, anyways."

Joe grinned widely, letting out a relieved breath. He let his eyes fall shut. That was how they fell asleep, Caspar's rhythmic breathing lulling Joe into unconsciousness, and Joe's soft snores dragging Caspar under too.

-

"Caspar! It's been so long, Darling!" Emily smiled, embracing her son in a large, warm hug. "Gosh, you've no idea how much I missed you."

"I missed you too, Mum."

She pulled away, keeping a hand of the side of Caspar's neck, studying her son carefully. She smiled, seeing Caspar in real life was far better than terrible quality Skype calls.

"You look practically the same! But what happened to your hair? It's so much darker, and it was such a lovely shade of blonde when you left."

As Emily continued to fuss over Caspar, Joe stood by his side awkwardly, and only when she pulled away- content that she had pointed out every tiny thing that had changed about her son- did she notice Joe, and her eyes seemed to light it up and a smile stretched across her face.

"And, gosh! You must be Joe! It's so lovely to meet you." Joe smiled, holding his hand out as if to shake hands, but Emily pushed it inside, wrapping her arms around the small boy tightly. Joe let out a heavy breath, closing his eyes. This was one of the very few times he had been treated fairly by a mother-figure of sorts, and he loved it. She pulled away, smiling widely. "I've heard so much about you. Caspar's utterly smitten with you, believe me."

Joe blushed a dark red, glancing at his boyfriend over Emily's shoulder, who was staring at his feet, a blush equally dark creeping up his neck. He looked up at Joe, and smiled sheepishly, stifling a chuckle. Joe shook his head, not being able to stop a small smile from appearing on his face.

-

"Caspar," Joe choked, breathless with laughter as he took in the view in front of him. His boyfriend stood in the kitchen, an apron covering him- though not tied behind his back. "What on earth have you done?"

"I thought it might be nice to make a cake for the last time in this apartment," He smiled, shrugging. Joe found it practically impossible to take the taller boy seriously when he was nearly covered in what appeared to be cake batter and icing sugar, and stood next to a cake which actually didn't look too inedible. Joe smiled, before making his way over to link his hands behind Caspar's neck, standing on his toes slightly to kiss the taller boy passionately.

"Have I ever told you I love you?" Joe murmured, resting his head on Caspar's shoulder, his hands moving down Caspar's long arms to link their fingers together.

"You may well have mentioned it once or twice," Caspar smirked, pecking Joe's forehead. He squeezed Joe's hands for a moment, and Joe squeezed his back.

"Well I do, lots."

"I do too, love." Caspar paused. "Will you help me clean the kitchen?"

Joe laughed, nudging his face into Caspar's neck. He shook his head.

"Fine, fine. That cake better be good though."

"Well clearly it will be, Joe. I made it," Caspar replied cockily, and Joe smiled, pulling away, though still keeping his and Caspar's hands intertwined.

-

"Last night here, huh?" Caspar mumbled into the darkness, pulling Joe closer to him, and pulling the duvet further over them.

"I feel like we're missing something. like we should have held a leaving party or something," Joe whispered.

"There's still some of that wine left in the cupboard. We can split that tomorrow lunchtime," Caspar hummed.

"Whatever," Joe murmured, shuffling slightly. "I'm just nervous. what if we don't like it? What if we've forgotten to pack something? What if we aren't ready for this? It's only been a year!"

"Joe. We're gonna be okay, I promise. As long as we have each other, we'll be fine."

"You're right, you're right. I was being silly."

"No you weren't." Caspar paused, yawning. He gently pushed his hand through Joe's hair. "Night, love."

"Night."

-

"Have we got everything?" Joe panicked, pacing the empty room. "You swear to god you packed the stuff under the stairs?"

"Yes Joe, and I watched it get put into the delivery van. Stop worrying about it, love. Its going to be okay, I promise you," Caspar reassured him, placing his hand on Joe's shoulder and rubbing the side of Joe's neck with his thumb. Joe let out a heavy and defeated breath, letting his eyes fall shut.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so stressed about this," Joe sighed, his head falling forward to press his forehead against Caspar's.

"I know, I am too, but it's going to be okay."

"We're always going to be okay, as long as we have each other."

"Exactly."

-

"Left, wait, no, not that left," Joe ordered, his eyes glancing down at his phone (which was providing them both with the directions to their new household) and then back up to the window screen, watching the unfamiliar surroundings pass by the car windows.

"What? Joe are you reading the directions right?" Caspar asked, leaning forward to look further out the window. He glanced over at the other boy, who was squinting at his phone.

"Yes! I am! Thats what it says!"

"I'm just not sure this is right," Caspar spoke, his voice a little louder as sparks of anger burned in his stomach.

"Why don't you fucking do it then?" Joe shouted, switching his phone off and crossing his arms angrily.

"I'd probably do quite a bit better than you are!" Caspar snapped loudly, not really paying attention to the road at this point.

"Oh well- I'm sorry!" Joe sneered sarcastically, turning away to face the window, rolling his eyes dramatically. There's an awkward silence for a few minutes as Caspar continues to drive in familiar circles.

"Look, I know you're stressed," Caspar sighed, regaining himself and once more concentrating on the road in front of him. His hands eased their tight grip on the steering wheel. "I am too, but we really do need to get there, as soon as we can."

"I know, I'm trying," Joe persists, unlocking his phone.

"I know you are, but can I just... see the map a second?"

Joe holds out his phone, and Caspar studies it carefully, no longer concentrating. The car keeps moving, and before they both know it, the dashboard comes flying towards them and both of the airbags inflate. The windows smash, and their car goes flying to the side, smashing into a wall on the side of the road. Another car had smashed its front into theirs, and was now in the middle of the road.

Caspar doesn't believe it at first, it seems unreal. He doesn't feel anything, for some reason, but his vision is blurry around the edges and his head aches. He looks to the side to see Joe, who looked to be in a much worse state. There was so much blood, and Caspar didn't know what to think. It was like his brain had completely stopped working, and he couldn't focus on anything. He lifts his hand up and reaches over towards his unconscious boyfriend, placing it on the side of his face. As the noise outside of their vehicle increases, Caspar's vision only continues to fade, until he too falls unconscious, and then it's over, there's nothing he can do.

-

"When I woke up, it was weird. I knew something wasn't right from the beginning. I had expected to wake up in a hospital, to start. Maybe an ambulance if I hadn't been out for long- but certainly not in me and Joe's apartment. Our old one, none the less. At first, I was perplexed, as usually when I woke up, Joe was there next to me, but that morning he wasn't. I thought little of it at first, I had woken up without Joe beside me many times, but there was no other sound in the apartment. Secondly, little things seemed different. Such as... well, I could have sworn I'd thrown that duvet cover out, and there was definitely a picture hanging on that wall, and the phone case on my phone was the old one, and my Phone screen wasn't cracked even after I swore I had broken it when I dropped it down the stairs a few weeks back. So that was when it all seemed a bit weird. It felt as if I'd gone back in time, you know? But when I'd switched my phone on, the background was a picture of me and Mum, which I knew I'd recently changed to me and Joe. Then I looked at the date.

2013.

That was when the peculiarity of the situation really sunk in. It was 2014, so why was my phone set to last year? I left my room, and even the hallway looked different, and I didn't like it. I called for Joe, of course I did, my boyfriend wasn't next to me when I woke up so obviously I was concerned, and then quite a few moments passed, and the door to the spare room opened. Out stepped Joe, but he looked different- younger. His hair was styled a different way, and tears seemed to have dried on his face. He looked at me strangely, but I didn't care because this was Joe, you know? I just hugged him, really tight, and when I pulled away, I could tell he was uncomfortable and I slowly grew concerned. He apologised, for kissing me the night before or something, and that's when it really sank in. He was wearing the same clothes I had invited him into my apartment in- still damp with rain and with mud dried on the knees. His bag had been dumped by the door, his runaway bag, filled with clothes.

Thats when it all made sense. I'd dreamt it. I'd dreamt everything. The soulmate stuff, the love, the pain, everything. Every little thing that had made me happy was a figment of my imagination, which was slowly fading. I let my eyes fill with miserable, desperate tears, and I blinked them away quickly, coughing. I asked him, I needed to see his soulmate mark. I hoped so, so badly that he would pull up the back of his t-shirt and turn around and there it would be, but as he reached down to pull up the legs of his sweatpants, a mark appeared, just above his ankle.

I was devastated, as you can imagine. Can you even try to picture this, waking up and then realising you just dreamed the happiest year of your life? I tell you what, it fucking hurt. And now he's got his soulmate, and they're so happy and she's so much nicer and better than I could ever be, honestly they get on so well I'm not surprised they're soulmates. He loves her and she loves him and he's fucking moving out tomorrow, Josh. He's moving in with her, and can't even pretend to be happy for him, not when I feel so empty and soulless. For fucks sake, Josh, what do I do?"


End file.
